The Safe Hybrid Battery Joke thread !

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Good jokes are funny jokes !





Advertisement

 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #2
A bra, a battery, and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar...
The battery and cables sit down at a table
while the bra approaches the bartender.
Bra says, "Three pints, please."
Bartender replies, "I'm not serving you."
The bra asks why not.
Bartender answers,
"Because you're clearly off your tits
and your friends
look like they're about to start something."
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #3
Dave loses his ID
There was this guy David, just turned 21, the last three months all he's been talking about is his birthday, about tonight, all his friends are coming along to the local bar, his moms coming, his dad, his sisters and brothers, HIS BATTERY OF FRIENDS, guys from school, guys from work, his girlfriend, her mom, her dad, it's going to be a big kegger and he's going to buy his first legal beer. There's just one problem, he can't find his ID.

He goes downstairs and his moms cleaning the house, she says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!
Thanks mom he says, have you seen my ID? She says no, better ask your dad.

So he goes into the garage and his dad is there working on the car, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID he says with a smile, want to help me change the battery on the car? No thanks dad, David says, I'm looking for my ID, have you seen it? His dad says no, did you leave it at work?

David gets in his car and drives over to the office, even though it's a Saturday it's open, though he has to sign in.
He goes into the little office and the man takes his details, name, David Smith, date of birth, fifth of December 2020, oh, happy birthday David. Where do you work, "accounts," okay go on in.
David looks around his office but can't find anything, on his way out he sees a friend of his.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! Says Paul, what you doing in the office ?
I can't find my ID for tonight David says. Have you asked your brother? You look alike maybe he tried to get served with it, isn't he seeing his buddies today?

David signs back out and gets back into his car and drives around town, he looks at the two Bars, the "leaky faucet" and "the change of horses," he tries the shopping center, having to get out of his car and walk through. Then finally he tries McDonald's.
Inside he sees his brother and his friends and he walks in.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! They all say. Haven't you got to get ready for your party? His brother asks. Yeah, but I can't find my ID. Well I don't have it, his brother says why would I? I thought you might want to use it for buying booze. Oh hey that's a good idea, can I borrow it when you find it?

David goes home and gets changed, then heads over to "the change of horses"' a little sad that he won't be able to buy a drink. As he walks into the pub he sees everyone, his Mom, his dad, his brother and sister, his girlfriend and her family, ALL HIS BATTERY OF buddies, his boss, his colleagues and they all shout.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!
He says thanks to everyone and walks up to the bar, the barman smiles and says happy birthday, what can I get you David?

David frowns and sighs, I think I've lost my ID
The bartender nods understandingly, ah I see, what can't I get you tonight !
 
Last edited:
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #4
A husband is convinced by his wife to go
to the doctor after he starts having performance issues in the bedroom.
The wife drops the husband off at the doctor's office
since they were informed that the tests
would take awhile to receive back the results.
After the BATTERY of questions and tests,
the doctor meets with the man and explains the situation.
Doctor: After performing all the necessary tests,
the results have come back and the news is that,
your penis has a limited amount of erections left.
Husband: How many?
Doctor: No more than thirty, I think...
The man leaves the doctor's office
in apparent sadness and instead of calling his wife
to come pick him up, he decides to walk home and be with his own thoughts.
Upon arrival to his house, he opens the front door
and is greeted by his wife who has been pacing
back and forth awaiting his return. T
he wife sees her husband's dejected look on his face.
Wife: So what did the doctor say?
Husband: Well, the good news is
that I can still have sex...
the doctor said approximately thirty more times.
Wife: Thirty? Well that isn't so bad.
Let's sit down and start making a list of special occasions
so that way we can get the most out of your limited erections.
Husband: I already made a list...you weren't on it!
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #6
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were
recently attending a church service
at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service,
Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse,
and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:"
I just let out a silent fart,
what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back:
"Put a new Battery in your hearing aid."
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #7
The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing
and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.
“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.
The nurse says, “Well no,
but I've seen the naked human body before.”
The patient said, “Not one like mine.
You would die laughing at my naked body.”
“Of course, I won't laugh.”,
said the nurse to the patient.
I am a professional.
In over twenty years,
I have never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then”,
said the patient
and he proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing a huge male body
with a the smallest adult male organ ,
the nurse had ever seen in her life.
In length and width,
it was almost identical to a aaa battery.
Unable to control herself,
the nurse tried to stop a giggle,
but it just came out.
And then she started laughing
at the fact that she was laughing.
Feeling very badly
that she had laughed at the patient's private part,
she composed herself,
as well as she could.

“I am so sorry”, the nurse said.
“I do not know what came over to me.
On my honor as a nurse and a lady,
Now tell me,
what seems to be the problem?”
“It's swollen”, the patient replied.

:cool: Yep is a BATTERY Joke ! (y)
 
Last edited:
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #8
A man named Tenison March was filmed exiting
the bureau of births, deaths and marriages.

Footage shows that seconds later,
another man named “Samsung Galaxy-9 Jr”
was seen throwing wild punches at March.
March, an ex-Green Beret,
was able to fend off the attack until police
arrived on the scene to make an arrest.
Galaxy-9 has been charged with battery.
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #9
1615484156947.png
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #10
1615668560269.png
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #11
Lil Johnny magically traveled back in time hundreds and hundreds of years.
He walked around the village feeling very superior to these uneducated
and backward people & saw them practicing with bows and arrows, riding horses, etc.
He walked up to the men practicing with bow and arrows.
“You guys are so simple. I come from the year 2020.
Where I come from, we have guns.”
"We use gun powder, which explodes," Lil Johnny said.
The gun powder is in a small bullet and when it gets hit hard it explodes
and sends the bullet out the end of a tube so fast it can kill instantly.”
"That’s amazing, can you make us this gun powder?"
“Uh, no. I don’t know how. Someone smarter than me figured it out.”
They shook their heads and went back to practicing.
Then he walked by a girl riding a horse.
He shook his head in sympathy,
“Where I come from we ride around in cars.”
“Yes, they were like your wagons,
but they didn’t need horses.
We poured gasoline into them, which gave it power when it burned
and made the care move way faster than any horse.
"Can you make me this gasoline?"
“Uh, no. I don’t know how. Someone smarter than me figured it out.”
'Well, how could it go so fast over the bumpy ground?"
“We had long streets made of concrete which made it very smooth for miles and miles.”
'Wow, can you make us this concrete?"
“Uh, no. I don’t know how. Someone smarter than me figured it out.”
As night fell, he walked over to a small house, lit only by candles.
“Where I come from, there is light in every room,
every street, we even carry light in our pocket if we need it.”
"How is that possible?"
“Electricity. It’s like the energy from lightning," said Lil Johnny.
"but we make it and then we store it in a Battery and it powers everything in the world. “
*That’s amazing. Can you make us this electricity?*
“Uh, no. I don’t know how. Someone smarter than me figured it out,” says Lil Johnny.
In the morning, he walked by a doctor taking care of a boy coughing.
“You should cover his mouth and nose with a cloth, so you and his family don’t get sick.”
"How do you know this," said the Dr.
“Uh, I don’t know. But someone smarter than me figured it out.”
 
Last edited:
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #12
We had a outage at my place this morning
and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad &
my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery
was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee
and then I remembered that this
also needs power,
so I talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
 
Last edited:
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #13
1616186962865.png
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #14
You Really need a new Battery and Cables to correct this abnormal group of Codes !
 
OP

Rocky Wabbit

Active member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
40
Reaction score
10
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
  • Thread starter
  • Thread Starter
  • #15
1616293226674.png

The battery of Aliens recharge their F150 and visit the Desert with their Abductee !
 
Last edited:

Advertisement





 


Advertisement
Top