THE MINDLESS THREAD

[Papa Tiger]

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" ... "She said, "get out from under the bed and fight like a man."
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[Papa Tiger]

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and schoolteacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
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[Papa Tiger]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.

''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.''

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well, let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."
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[Papa Tiger]

 

[Papa Tiger]

After enduring many minutes on being berated, wife stared at him. Karen, the wife says, ‘What in the world is wrong with you?
il Johnny calmly replied, "I just wanted to tell you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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Later Lil Johnny wants to take Karen out for dinner but it's raining hard, he doesn't want to carry the Umbrella and get hit lightning.!
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Lil Johnny says, "Ya get what ya deserve." Karen says, "not tonight you don't!" ... twss
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Bob and Toby open a Frozen yogurt stand. Bob is in charge of Hiring the Girls to tend the drive thru.
Toby's actionably unimportant to their business. Days go past, evenings fled, the Hotties congregate
and the Guys hang around. One day a Billionaire says, "I like your business." "Can I buy it" and the
Hotties screamed," yes!"
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The new owner and CEO takes over at a struggling social media. Feeling pretty good about himself,
the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what happening here?"
From across the room "You need to treat us better. After being told to be nicer he reacts by firing them.
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If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?
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Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
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Lawyer marries a woman & on their wedding night, she tells her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” says the guy. “How can that be in these modern times. "Well My husband I have been lonely since my early teens." "Thats an amazing fact! What should I do?" "Well my husband, since you're a lawyer, I know I gonna get screwed."
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The mother is concerned about her 17-year-old daughter Shirly. The doctor says, " teenagers today are very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in a rebellious Daughter." He then tells her, "Arrange for your daughter to be started with birth control and until then, talk with her. give her this box of condoms."
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The Homeless man is pushed himself straight against the entrance door of a Tenements building that is padlocked. Your guess is best!
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The Elderly couple are sitting on their porch swing. She says, "I want a Banana split with Chocolate, nuts, Cherries & whipped cream on it. Shall I write that down?" "No," he says.
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1ST CONTACT; ... ME; "May I touch that?" ... ALIEN; ... "That is not an erogenous zone!"
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[Papa Tiger]

Ron White says, "It's Fo- Evvah !"

 

[Papa Tiger]

That sort of makes sense.

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[Papa Tiger]

 

[Papa Tiger]

"I said I'm trying dam it!"

 

[Papa Tiger]

On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs. of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience..... At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope…The barrel, oh pain!

 

[Papa Tiger]

Have you noticed some new shorts bubble up the front instead of out the back door?
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[Papa Tiger]

Now I'm thinking let them borrow all they want from the Bubbermint!

 

[Papa Tiger]

Most likely the frozen water in Plastic bags gives you free Plastic in your blood system too.

 

[Papa Tiger]

GOOD MORNING :

My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone
My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.
I think I might never put my glasses back on.

 

[Papa Tiger]

No I didn't make it but I could have. I got all that stuff in my shop.

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