Sponsored

THE MINDLESS THREAD

OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1712719479216-g1
There is a fair God!
Sponsored

 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
A frog Hops into the bank. He goes to the only open teller & Hops up,
sees that her name tag is Paddy. The frog Crokes, "I really need a loan!
I'm out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving!
I need money so I can feed them and provide for them!"

Now Paddy feels very sorry for the poor frog and
asks him if he has any collateral. He holds out a small glass elephant.
Paddy is a little surprised by this, and quite unsure but
she feels so sorry for the poor frog that she takes the glass elephant to her manager.

Sir, "Paddy begins, "there is a frog out there who desperately needs a loan.
He's out of work, he's married and the Tadpoles who are at home are starving.
He needs some money so he can provide for them but
all he has for collateral is this little glass elephant. What should I do?"

Manager takes a good hard look at that elephant, thinks about it a little and
replies, "It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan!"
__________________________________________________ ____
Oh my G. where did the Genie in the bottle end up?
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1712791702644-dd
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Marrieds get really bored and depressed but our 2 have talked it out and agree that Cheat days every month are the answer. So, Mayble brought home Chicken wings Friday night and Rob brought home his Secretary and her Husband. Rob's currently in intensive care.
__________________________________________________ _________

Human nature can really get tough!

"What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter exhaustion?"
The Team Leader says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to work using your other hand."
"So, why does that sound like repetitive B.S."
__________________________________________________ _

Shirley, calls the Help Desk to complain
that there's something wrong with her password.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password,
it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you,"
Lil Johnny, at the Help Desk explains,
" if someone were to be standing behind you,
they can't read your password."
Shirley thinks for a moment and responds,
"But they are there even when no one stands behind me."
____________________

Karen's, shopping at a Drug Store. As Karen, exits the place,
a man grabs her purse and runs. A by stander calls 911 immediately and Karen, gives
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the LEO have apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drive to the store. The thief is escorted from the Squad and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replies, "Yes Officer...That's the lady I stole the purse from."
________________________________

You know that's a true story too!
_____________________________________
An Economist will always tell you need a smaller glass if yours is 1/2 full.
Know what happens if he says, "U need a Shot Glass," don't you?


The man in a Silverado tries to pull an ATM cash machine off its pad & away
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their Silverado.
Instead of pulling the ATM off its pad he ripped the bumper off the truck.
While startled by what's happened, he leaves the scene and drives home.
The Chain is attached to the ATM on its pad, the bumper attached to the Chain and
a license plate attached to the bumper.
__________________________________________

I just got a Headache!
___________________________
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Jerimie pulls up at Waldo Monopoly parking lot, he looks around and gets out of his Truck.
As Jerimie walks into the entrance, he Greets the Greeter and heads over to the Customer Service Area, introduces himself & asking, "I would like to apply for a Job here."

The Store managers head pops up and he says, "Come into my office Jerimie!"
So, he and the Manager sit down in the office and the Manager asks, "Well; what have you got to offer us?" "Thistles surround the parking lot, I would like to remove them." The Manager replies, Thas great you're hired, when can you start. By the way, I have been promoted and will be leaving for Atlanta, Georgia soon, would you like to have my Job? It pays $200,000 a year. Jerimie thinks on that offer for a bit and then replies.

"I want to make things right, not try covering them up, so no thanks!"
__________________________________________
 

Sponsored

OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1713154758722-h6
...Ya know I almost gave a dam!
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1713199602537-mo

"Just a goat of the Party ... Please, please, Please of the Day!"
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
We have the standard 6 ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months Ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire City. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric Fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made For 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, and Drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with The more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big Wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the Yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the Mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of The way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right Hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in Mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a Picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front Side of my body. My ears curled downwards. I could feel the Lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time That Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my Head. I was literally one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower Were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg To differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels Emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along, you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 Times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality It was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric Fences ... But Dad always had those piece of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kind of tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8-foot-long ground rod is now Accepting signals from me through the Perma damp Ark-La-Tex River Bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just Man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn, I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a Loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die ... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into The rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore Roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's Right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not Take me that day ... He left me there covered in my own fluids to Writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside Me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I Was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a Seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep, I realized a few things:
1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4 - My left eye will not open.
5 - My right eye will not close.
6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7 - My nuts are still smaller than average, yet they are almost a foot long.
8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I don't care what type of humor you like this is funny. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
______________________________________________
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
The couples, madly in love & decide to get married. The groom-to-be approaches his Minister.
“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” Jamie says. "I have unbelievably smelly feet.
My fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”

“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replies. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day
and wear clean dry socks all the time.”

Meanwhile, the nervous bride privately approaches the minister’s wife. “I’m so worried,” she sobs.
“I have really bad breath when I wake up each day!” “Oh, dear,” the pastor’s wife replies,
"Everyone has bad breath in the morning. Don’t worry about it.” “No, you don’t understand,”
Shirley implored. “My morning breath is so awful; my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!”

“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife says soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before
your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before
he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.”

In time, a beautiful wedding goes as planned, Jamie & Shirley enjoy the day without once
worrying about their secret problems. For months they managed to keep their issues to themselves.
Then one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks has come off in the night.
Frantic, he searches the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon.
His bride wakes with a start, & without thinking, blurts out, “What in the world are you doing?”

"Shirley!” Jamie says. “Have you swallowed one of my socks!” .....
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD biglaugh
.....
__________________________________
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1713245153299-pd
Ya know Bob, I'm sort of important too!
___________________________________
 

Sponsored


OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
The lawyer slowly arouses of the anesthesia after surgery, & he asks, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?" "There's a big fire across the street", the doctor replies, "We didn't want you to think your surgery was a failure."
______________________________
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1713311528461-sf

Have you ever watched a bunch of Hornets chase a Lawn tractor around the back yard and the Driver waving and a swatting away, screaming and carrying on like a lil kid?
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Do you know what it is like to have the Snow Watch !
Ya can't take your eyes off it or its gone. ...

You slow time down watching snow.
It seems to just stay around as long as ya keep watching it !
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1711115923316-jpe


Ya watch the snow and things go well.
Take your eyes off the snow and your late for work.

Your out of gas or the battery dies.
So just watch that durn snow & play in it.

-------------------------------------------------------
Here - Here for all the young love !
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
Ford F-150 THE MINDLESS THREAD 1713381935350-cl
The best traffic sign ever!
 
OP
OP
Papa Tiger

Papa Tiger

Well-known member
First Name
Rocky
Joined
Dec 31, 2023
Threads
4
Messages
361
Reaction score
66
Location
California
Vehicles
2 F150's
Occupation
retired
The LEO came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
The monkey shakes his head "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?"


"Driving" motioned the monkey !
____________________________________
Sponsored

 

Similar threads

 




Top